"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

Jan 12, 2009

Most Loathsome


43. You

Charges: You think it’s your patriotic duty to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need. You think Hillary lost because of sexism, when it’s actually because she’s just a bad liar. You think Iraq is better off now than before we invaded, and don’t understand why they’re so ungrateful. You think Tim Russert was a great journalist. You’re hopping mad about an auto industry bailout that cost a squirt of piss compared to a Wall Street heist of galactic dimensions, due to a housing crash you somehow have blamed on minorities. It took you six years to figure out what a tool Bush is, but you think Obama will make it all better. You deem it hunky dory that we conduct national policy debates via 8-second clips from “The View.” You think God zapped humans into existence a few thousand years ago, although your appendix and wisdom teeth disagree. You like watching vicious assholes insult each other on TV. You support gun rights, because firing one gives you a chubby. You cuddle falsehoods and resent enlightenment. You think the fact that 43% of whites could stomach voting for an incredibly charismatic and eloquent light-skinned black guy who was raised by white people means racism is over. You think progressive taxation is socialism. 1 in 100 of you are in jail, and you think it should be more. You are shallow, inconsiderate, afraid, brand-conscious, sedentary, and totally self-obsessed. You are American.

Exhibit A: You’re more upset by Miley Cyrus’s glamour shots than the fact that you are a grown adult who is upset about Miley Cyrus.

Sentence: Invaded and occupied by Canada; all military units busy overseas without enough fuel to get back.


2. John McCain

Charges: McCain vowed to run a clean, respectful campaign, and then accused Obama of pushing sex ed for kindergartners, calling Palin a pig, hanging with terrorists, being a welfare-loving Marxist, being an arugula-loving elitist and pretty much everything but conspiring with the Borg—but he didn’t really mean it, and he didn’t use Reverend Wright, so we’re all supposed to think he’s swell. McCain lied so blatantly and constantly that even cable news bootlicks were compelled to fact-check him, to which he and his surrogates responded by insisting on the same lies. When pressed on the Nixonian onslaught of falsehood, McCain whined that he wouldn’t have had to be such a mendacious prick if Obama had only refrained from raising so much more money than him. McCain pretended to give a shit about America, and then he picked a vapid ambition-hound to succeed him. His response to the economic crisis might as well have been to punch himself in the face. In every way he could this year, McCain burned up all the credibility he had stored up from decades of shameless worship by the press, utilizing every tactic he ever decried, exuding a heady aroma of bullshit and Alzheimer’s, and displaying an unrequited obsession with Joe the Plumber, and he still wound up a failed Faust even the Devil didn’t want.

Exhibit A: "In the 21st century nations don't invade other nations."

Sentence: Every time anybody says the word “surge,” McCain is shot in the leg.

Written by Allan Uthman & Ian Murphy
with contributions from John Dolan, Eileen Jones, Alexander Zaitchik, & IOZ.
Illustrations by Ian Murphy.

-link (including previous years)


At 12:25 PM , Blogger La Sirena said...

Yes, I am so over "you", too.

I think our national New Year/ New Administration Resoultion should be to stop pointing fingers and take more responsibility for our political and economic system and its trajectories and also to leave god out of it once and for all.

If one more adult US citizen ever tells me again that this country was "founded on the bible", I'm going to scream until I manifest stigmata.


Also, my work internet wouldn't let me through the link to the entire article because it's "pornography".

At 3:14 PM , Blogger Indigobusiness said...

The Deists who founded this country were some righteous dudes. They had none of the cloying, dogmatic claptrap of modern religion cluttering up their thoughts and rhetoric. They were interested in knowing ultimate answers, pursuing their destiny and duties as honorable men.

'God' is meaningless only in that it is different things to different people, but what is represented by that name is what it is, and is no invention.

We're lost in a pointless forest solely because we've lost touch with the sacred and our true purpose as humans.

Everyone should be required to listen to John Anthony West discuss the Sacred Science, and get over their shallow pop culture paradigms. Maybe that would be a start.

I'm still enthralled with "you", but wish "you"'d get over "you"r badself.

At 9:58 PM , Blogger La Sirena said...

I still say we throw the word "God" out of the discussion and be forced to start the spirituality quest without the assumptions that the word carries.

I'm entralled with"you", too. But aren't we all really entralled with you and us and them? And is that the problem or the point?

word verif= scroti

At 10:48 PM , Blogger Indigobusiness said...

scroti is a good one. my last one was unrepeatable.

I don't like the form the discussion has taken, but I won't throw the baby out with the bath. It's pretty easy to tell I'm not onboard with the words used, I'm
all about separating truth from truthiness...getting past the talk and walking the walk, as a matter of course. I dig the Sacred Science.

Us and them, and "you"...we all piss me off from time to time. What has me truly concerned is that we have poisoned the well, and still we drink.

word verification: thersat

And after that try was lost in the ether-
word verification: activeye

At 11:32 AM , Blogger La Sirena said...

Oh, activeye is appropos.

At 12:40 PM , Blogger I.:.S.:. said...



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~There is no God and we are his prophets.~

-Cormac McCarthy-

Man is superior to the stars if he lives in the power of superior wisdom. Such a person being the master over heaven and earth by means of his will is a magus and magic is not sorcery but supreme wisdom



'The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them'.....'Every war when it comes, or before it comes, is represented not as a war but as an act of self-defense against a homicidal maniac.'.....'In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act.'.....'War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.' George Orwell

war is terror

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